Recondite. Wow a new and unfamiliar word for me. Well, it means unknown or most people don't know about it. The Bach. Bahasa Melayu is a recondite course in Malaysia because people might think since you were born as a Malaysian and the language itself is your mother tongue, there is no exigency to continue your study in such courses. Ok hold on, I think I have been blathering. The intention that I want to write today is because I desire to improve my English writing. I keep learning new words every day, but the words will be wiped off from my mind on the next day. After all this while, I learn I forget. 

For the past couple days, the world I mean the 'Hollywood World' was startled by the Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin engagement. I knew about it right after I woke up on a Monday morning. I was surprised but not amazed. Justin is 24 years old and that petty girl is only 21 years old and now they think it is the right decision to engage? As they believe both are incomparable, I have a feeling that this relationship won't last in the long run. They aren't on their mettle to face the hustles during the journey. Many of us know how romance in Hollywood works. Even Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie split after they have lived together for more than five years I supposed. 

Love, romance is impenetrable and I can see why I am still single and make myself not available. Some people make it looks so amiable and captivating but the truth behind the curtain is as harrowing as you could ever imagine. The reality has put people in a traumatized situation. They are frightened and full of doubts to feel the warmth of love in them and so, they let the tender of loath precedes them. 

Maybe that is why I build a wall between me and H, not because I don't want to let him in but I was dubious about the whole thing and at the same time, I built it in a vain hope I am not going to fall in love or have a feeling on him. I am too young for a relationship and let us be friends and besides, we live in the same neighbourhood so these have pulled us closer. As time goes by, he keeps coming into my life on and off. Sometimes I sense he's using me and turn it for his own benefits. If it does, I will completely go to rack his neck off and drive him in despair. I love him as a friend and because he is different (in a good way). Not to mention that he is a guy. As you can see how obscure it is for me to have a guy friend since most guys see me as an uptight and anxious girl with a mundane personality and fashion style. Anyway, I don't lose anything if H go away and leave me because I used to live without his existence before he knocked at the door of my life. And so did his world. 

Other than that, it makes me feel fret not to tell my mom about him. Because I don't want she knows I am close to H in a way that could bring up into the sceptical situation. She should know that me and H are just friends and at the same time we might go out just two of us, but that doesn't indicate we are together as a couple and to make me speaks about it to her whom is known as a strict, dignified woman, devoted, faithful to Islam is not that simple. But the urge to tell her right away is being irritated by the dismay of her utterance. I don't want to be an unfaithful daughter and makes her feel disgruntled.

I love her but I don't want to see my relationship with him ended too. Damn.