Queen Aquarius

I wish for the best, especially for my degree course that I'll spend my 3 or 4 years of my life to learn, observe, endure and discover things and lives that will shape me to be the best and stellar person. Therefore, I can get a splendid occupation and worth earnings money. Then, I travel the world on my own or with the love of my life or with my best friend or whoever it is gonna be. Wish me the best. Ameen. May the successes, satisfaction and happiness are with me eternally. 

Recondite. Wow a new and unfamiliar word for me. Well, it means unknown or most people don't know about it. The Bach. Bahasa Melayu is a recondite course in Malaysia because people might think since you were born as a Malaysian and the language itself is your mother tongue, there is no exigency to continue your study in such courses. Ok hold on, I think I have been blathering. The intention that I want to write today is because I desire to improve my English writing. I keep learning new words every day, but the words will be wiped off from my mind on the next day. After all this while, I learn I forget. 

For the past couple days, the world I mean the 'Hollywood World' was startled by the Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin engagement. I knew about it right after I woke up on a Monday morning. I was surprised but not amazed. Justin is 24 years old and that petty girl is only 21 years old and now they think it is the right decision to engage? As they believe both are incomparable, I have a feeling that this relationship won't last in the long run. They aren't on their mettle to face the hustles during the journey. Many of us know how romance in Hollywood works. Even Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie split after they have lived together for more than five years I supposed. 

Love, romance is impenetrable and I can see why I am still single and make myself not available. Some people make it looks so amiable and captivating but the truth behind the curtain is as harrowing as you could ever imagine. The reality has put people in a traumatized situation. They are frightened and full of doubts to feel the warmth of love in them and so, they let the tender of loath precedes them. 

Maybe that is why I build a wall between me and H, not because I don't want to let him in but I was dubious about the whole thing and at the same time, I built it in a vain hope I am not going to fall in love or have a feeling on him. I am too young for a relationship and let us be friends and besides, we live in the same neighbourhood so these have pulled us closer. As time goes by, he keeps coming into my life on and off. Sometimes I sense he's using me and turn it for his own benefits. If it does, I will completely go to rack his neck off and drive him in despair. I love him as a friend and because he is different (in a good way). Not to mention that he is a guy. As you can see how obscure it is for me to have a guy friend since most guys see me as an uptight and anxious girl with a mundane personality and fashion style. Anyway, I don't lose anything if H go away and leave me because I used to live without his existence before he knocked at the door of my life. And so did his world. 

Other than that, it makes me feel fret not to tell my mom about him. Because I don't want she knows I am close to H in a way that could bring up into the sceptical situation. She should know that me and H are just friends and at the same time we might go out just two of us, but that doesn't indicate we are together as a couple and to make me speaks about it to her whom is known as a strict, dignified woman, devoted, faithful to Islam is not that simple. But the urge to tell her right away is being irritated by the dismay of her utterance. I don't want to be an unfaithful daughter and makes her feel disgruntled.

I love her but I don't want to see my relationship with him ended too. Damn.

Hello there. How are you? Well, I have no idea whether I still have a follower who would enjoy reading my posts on this blog. Why there is none tell me how bad my grammar was. I feel disgrace and cringe at some point to myself while reading my previous post. I cannot clarify whether it was because of the dismal or did my grammar and writing that pathetic? God, I wish as the time flies, my grammar and writing and speaking have been improving or I just want to cave myself up from this world. I feel bad for myself because I love English and it is my dream to speak and write fluently smoothly in this language so none can disparage me and make fun of it. Well, now I need to work hard and do the best as I can as I still live, that is the time I have to keep learning and practising. Isn't that how the thing works out?. 

Lets move on. How was my day today? Well, I went to a Jamuan Hari Raya at Syahmi's school and it had not been so bad. The food was delightful and the most exciting thing was I wore Cakenis Lush Satin in purple and it makes me look wonderful and luminous. KAH! Perasan sebentar. Other else was about H. It has been I'd say almost a week we haven't spoken to each other I mean in a real conversation as we keep having the rough one prolly. There is no denying that I miss him and I actually wish he'd spend his leisure time by texting me instead just open up and watch the pictures I've posted on social media. It seems that I am the only one who feels this way and he doesn't. Therefore, there is no one need to be blamed because we both know what is our relationship up to. Maybe both have furtive feelings, but choose to keep it this way so no one gets hurt. God, am I the only one who wants more than just a friend? Yet, I don't fully penetrate the feeling and it might just a tender that is fleeting. Let's wait and see how far it goes. For now, I will just have to hold on even I have to admit it aches.